you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
