I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
