you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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