Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He did a backflip because drugs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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