Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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