she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
