Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
