jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
