Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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