my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
