I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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