I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
even my farts smell like vagina
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
