i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
