I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They have beer where we have blood.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
