Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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