bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
