the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
