Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize