Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
