sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
