Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
