My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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