drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
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