You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
