Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
