I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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