i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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