there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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