I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
