She's JV to your varsity
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You may now shotgun with the bride
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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