I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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