I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
