The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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