omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
