id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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