It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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