why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You smell like stripper and shame
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
