so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize