Yo dont text me then not text me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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