You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
