I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
