I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
