so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
