Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am available for nakedness
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