idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
