a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
