You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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