I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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