new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
