Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't turn off my feet"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
