i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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