I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
