Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
