Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
