sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
