what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
