He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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