Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize