Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
