theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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