i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
In America we eat man semen.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
