i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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