Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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